"We are all in the gutter, some of us are looking at the stars, but mostly we're at heavy metal gigs. And rightly so."
- Oscar Wilde on Metal
Metal (Music)
Metal is a style of music characterized by an abundance of H-Waves, which release endorphins into the brain, in accordance with The Theory of Happiness. These highly specialised waves are recieved through the hair folicles, which has led to excessive hair growth among metal music devotees in order to absorb as many of them as possible.
Measurement
The number of H-waves in any given song is measured in Alice Coopers per minute (or AC), with the average being 23AC. The highest AC ever recorded is 142AC for the Deep Purple song Smoke on the Water.
There are some who prefer to measure how excellent a track is in Derek Coopers (or DC). These individuals have been largely dismissed as idiots, but the confusion has led to the creation of the band AC/DC, as well as severe internal divisions during the Rock Wars of 2050.
Classifications
Music under 20AC is classified as Rock & Roll Music between 20 and 50AC is classified as Rock Above 50AC music becomes Heavy Metal, form where it sub-divides into further catagories according to which body part performing it harms. For example:
- Power Metal harms the finger with absurdly fast guitar playing.
- Death Metal harms the voice with growling and screaming.
- Black Metal harms the soul by worshiping non-cthulhu devils.
* Retirado da sensacional UNCYCLOPEDIA, seu novo vício na internet.
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